Day 210: Options and cubs

Day 210: Options and cubs.

I feel selfish for acting the way that I had earlier. K had been accepted to STANFORD. There are people who would give their balls and ovaries to be able to have the same opportunities as he just got.

We had some time to sit and think and talk it over and we are both feeling much better about the whole situation. After some stroking of his ego, he is much more excited about the move and we have decided that we do have a few options...

First options that are not really options, let's get these out of the way and just say that these are not going to happen:
1) K not go. This is stupid. Enough said.
2) I drop out of medicine and move to Cali. This is equally stupid. Be sure to hit me if I ever seriously contemplate this in a moment of weakness. Hard.

Next, we have some remote possibilities that are not necessarily good ideas either:
3) I appeal to the Cali board of medical licensing and attempt to transfer residency programs. The appeals process can take up to a year... after which I am only transferring for my last year, which is questionable in good ideas, seeing as I'm set up in my current program already. Plus the restrictions are fairly clear, so it may all just be a wasted effort anyhow.
4) K starts and transfers out. But where could he transfer to that would be as awesome as where he is about to go? Most other prestigious programs are either in bumfuck or snowy locations. And we are both sooooo over snowy locations. (It was 7 degrees this morning. Yuck.)

Then, we have some reasonably decent ideas:
5) I finish my residency and move to Cali and pursue academic work that doesn't necessarily require a license. Ie Research. Stanford is a HUUUGGE research institution and although I'm not cocky enough to say 'I can get a job there', I am confident in my research CV which has several publications and conferences on it over the span of the last five years or so. I'm sure I could find something somewhere. I can resume licensure later.
6) I finish my residency and try to get an attending job or fellowship in Reno, NV. It's not commutable, but close enough for weekend trips. Being in the same time zone would be a huge improvement.

And best case scenarios:
8) California decides to approve my appeal and I get to move to the West coast for either fellowship or attending job.
9) I finish residency here and digital pathology is in full swing, allowing me to live in the San Fran area while working for a hospital NOT in California. What a dream that would be.

Having a plan makes things a lot easier to digest. Plus, looking at two more years apart is much less daunting than six.

I was talking these things over with my mother, who is a full fledged Korean mother... and she patiently waited until I had wrapped up my options. I felt like I was pitching a sale to her "Love versus Work"... and I anticipated what pearls of motherly wisdom she may have to impart...

"Why don't you finish your residency. Move to California. And have a baby?"
"Whaaaaaa....???"
"K will be there for how many more years?"
"4."
"You can have two babies."


Not what I was expecting. But interesting...
One of the issues women in medicine have is 'when the frack do we have time for babies?'

K liked the idea. He always wanted to have kids. Lots of them. Or 'cubs' as he calls them, as I often call him my 'bear'.

So if all else fails. I have 2.5 years before I'm expected to start popping out babies.

Somewhere in California, there is short man in a cubicle who will soon receive an application for medical licensure in his state, and his decision will determine whether the population of San Francisco will increase by one korean-jewish bear. :)

Day 207: Match Day

Day 207

Most journals start on Day 1. This one starts today because I didn't know I was going to be writing a journal back then. I didn't think the days would count this many. But they have. And as of today, they will continue to grow. Much larger.

207 is the number of days my boyfriend and I have lived apart.

207 days ago, I stuffed a rental car so full of stuff, my dog was confined to the center console, and I drove over 16 hours from New York City to Chicago, where I had accepted a new job in a pathology residency program. My then boyfriend of two years was still a fourth year medical student in Manhattan, and stayed behind to finish his studies. We had hopes that just a few short months later, we would be reunited in Chicago's windy city, when he Matched into a residency program here.

We would have monthly trips to see each other as our schedule permitted. Sometimes for a weekend, maybe a three day holiday, and when we were lucky, a whole week. Those were the best.. When we could roll over in the morning and feel a warmth that wasn't normally there. When you could close your eyes and not have to imagine what the other person smelled like... When you smile for no reason because you knew you are loved.

But the rest of the times were not always so easy. Loneliness crept in on quiet Friday nights, and frustrations bubbled over when the Internet connections were poor. And when you have a funny story that you just want to share, but you can't for another couple hours because of distance and time zones... Well, they just aren't that funny anymore...

But this was temporary as we had planned it. A lot of people live apart, especially now more than ever with more career minded individuals in a fickle economy, and the long term deployments. I googled inspirational stories online and reaffirmed, "we can do this!"

Today was supposed to be a happy day. A day that ensured us that our time waiting wasn't for nothing. That the light at the end of our lonely love boat tunnel was near... Today was the Urology Match day. 'K' had decided a few months back that he wanted to do a surgical sub specialty, but wanted as much freedom with lifestyle as he could afford. Urology was that field. It was competitive, but he had a strong application. He had great test scores, grades and publications from his years doing research in the lab we met at three summers ago. He had an impressive number of interviews, at some top institutions, but his first choice was at Northwestern to be in Chicago with me.

Neither of us slept much last night. Anyone who has been through the process knows how stressful it can be... And this morning, we waited...

Congratulations. You've matched. At Stanford.

We couldn't believe it. Stanford was a great program. It should have been a dream come true. What a prestigious accomplishment. He had to take it! You can't turn an offer like that down...
...but California is so far away... And I couldn't transfer. I had gone to a Caribbean school, and was not approved to get licensed in California by the medical board.

So what is there left to do?

I cried a little. Okay, a lot. I was so proud of him, but the selfish part of me grew sad and angry... This was not the deal! You were supposed to come to Chicago! But it wasn't his fault... He applied
and interviewed and ranked Chicago. Chicago just didn't want him... But I did...

We talked about it all day, but I the end, what was there left to do? He had to go. The job starts July 1st. He graduates in May. We had no choice but to continue living apart... For 6 more years... The length of his training program.

Me in Chicago. Him in Stanford.
The distance from here to there: 2166 miles.